I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're a waste of cheezeits
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
