Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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