White coat. Heels.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
