I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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