Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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