I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
