Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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