I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
