is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
