walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
