I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
