Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
