She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
