Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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