when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
