When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
