She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
