I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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