There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
