We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
