First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
