So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
