conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
