I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
