he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
