those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm always down for nudity.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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