I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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