Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
