do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
