I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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