Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
