i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
