so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
