I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
