dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
