I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
