My hair reeks of homosexuality.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
