I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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