So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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