i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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