goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
do herpes really smell.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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