Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
