Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
