made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
