Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
