Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
