I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
