If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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