i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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