Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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