I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
