Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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