i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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