Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
