we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
